The battle of Toloha

The battle of Toloha

Warning: I’m about to get real, which is why I started this blog. I’m not trying to air all my dirty laundry. I’m simply being real. This is a real struggle. I hope my hashing it out on this public blog will be a testimony to what real Christian life actually is. It is not all sunshine and rainbows. It is hard. It is a battle. Thankfully, that battle is already won. Sometimes I forget that. Lately, I am in a specific battle with myself right now. I am on the board of a non-profit I helped found called Toloha Partnership. It has been an amazing experience. Seriously. I have lived out my faith in ways that I never could have dreamed I, a mother of three could. Unfortunately, my responsibilities as a board member,  fundraising committee co-chair and PR Team leader have become a burden that I’ve been trying to carry alone. I’ve grown bitter about it because I want to do so much with it – blog, sharing photos, sharing about our recent trip, going to churches to make them aware of it, and so on. I just haven’t had hardly any time to put into it. So then, it just becomes a frustration. The fact that I feel this way about it breaks my heart. It has not always been this way. I  jumped whole-heartily into Toloha Partnership because I felt it needed done and somebody needed to do it.  I really didn’t think that was me. But then God showed me Toloha. He forced my mind’s eyelids open and made me stare Toloha right in...

Nannies

Okay, I confess, we have a nanny come for 7 hours once a week and sometimes more. I work from home. There is no way I could do half of what I do without a nanny and my mom. I used to try to work at home with 1 and then 2 kids with no help whatsoever. It resulted in a lot of frustration, resentment, bitterness toward my husband and almost burn-out. I was trying too hard to achieve my dream and dreams will never come true if you try to force them to become reality before their time… His time. It was at Making Things Happen when Lara Casey and Emily Ley had me speak the words of permission to give up the “mommy guilt”of trying to to be the perfect and control every aspect of my children’s lives, that I first start considering childcare. I was pregnant with our third. Around the same time, my parents found out they were going to be able to move to our town. Bonus! I would be getting free childcare with one of the few people I trusted to raise my children. As we went week to week, something changed. My dad started working 3 hours away. He just wasn’t able to find a position that fit nearby. So they bought a condo and now they split their time between here and there. It was a blow at first. Here, I thought finally after 4 years, my mom no longer has to be 10 hours from her grandkids and instead be 45 seconds from our house. But, now they have to live...
Mixing school and shopping

Mixing school and shopping

Today, we did a short day of school and took a short field trip to the library. And I, being the insane optimist, thought, I’ll just get lunch out with the THREE kids and then go to Walmart with the THREE kids. The plan, leave the house at 10am, be back by 1:30, prep for a client meeting, which was scheduled for 3pm in my home studio. Reality: departure at 11:15 am, return at 2:45 with a van full of 2.5 weeks of groceries, D threw a fit at 2:55pm, my clients arrived a bit late (thank God!) at 3:15, D started throwing a fit at 3:40pm and woke up the baby at 3:45pm so I had all THREE kids at my client meeting, one of which was dressed as a ballerina fairy… welcome to real life. Now… I normally do not schedule client meetings when I don’t have help with the kids, but there was no way around this one, and I thought to myself (don’t forget here that I’m an insane optimist), “the kids will be exhausted from our errands and want to rest.” Oh, they were exhausted…overly exhausted… Thankfully, tonight is double date night with friends. I need some adult time. I wish I had a picture of this day. But, I kinda had my hands full… Here are a few to just give you a glimpse… this was when we tried to do a portrait session by ourselves before church. Again…I’m an insane optimist, just ask my husband.  ...