Palms Open

Palms Open

That whole fear of not being good enough drove me to a workaholic faith. The thought of never being good enough translated into never doing enough. I would look at other people’s lives (playing the comparison game) and think they were doing so much more eternally worthy things in their lives. I would go into panic mode and start analyzing what I was doing and what else I could be doing. All the while, I was working so hard to make everything in my life look perfect (which obviously is impossible). And if I wasn’t perfect, I thought something was wrong – so something was always wrong and I was constantly trying to fix myself. And I thought my faith was just “not enough” (there are those two words again). I was totally over-thinking the “faith without works is dead” thing (James 2:26). This morning, I was reminded by my daily Bible verse on YouVersion, that it is so much simpler than that. “for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:13) The more I tried to will myself to do work for God’s good pleasure, the more circles I ran around what really matters. Pretty soon, I would run myself into the ground. Thank the Lord, He does not leave us where we are. And thank the Lord for Bob Goff. It was in his book, Love Does that I was introduced to the “Palms Open” way of living. I’m sure God has tried to run this idea by me several times, but it finally clicked when...
The battle of Toloha

The battle of Toloha

Warning: I’m about to get real, which is why I started this blog. I’m not trying to air all my dirty laundry. I’m simply being real. This is a real struggle. I hope my hashing it out on this public blog will be a testimony to what real Christian life actually is. It is not all sunshine and rainbows. It is hard. It is a battle. Thankfully, that battle is already won. Sometimes I forget that. Lately, I am in a specific battle with myself right now. I am on the board of a non-profit I helped found called Toloha Partnership. It has been an amazing experience. Seriously. I have lived out my faith in ways that I never could have dreamed I, a mother of three could. Unfortunately, my responsibilities as a board member,  fundraising committee co-chair and PR Team leader have become a burden that I’ve been trying to carry alone. I’ve grown bitter about it because I want to do so much with it – blog, sharing photos, sharing about our recent trip, going to churches to make them aware of it, and so on. I just haven’t had hardly any time to put into it. So then, it just becomes a frustration. The fact that I feel this way about it breaks my heart. It has not always been this way. I  jumped whole-heartily into Toloha Partnership because I felt it needed done and somebody needed to do it.  I really didn’t think that was me. But then God showed me Toloha. He forced my mind’s eyelids open and made me stare Toloha right in...