My Prince

My Prince

I prayed recently that I would feel God’s spirit more. As a woman, I just long to feel him as my Savior and Redeemer. I know that God’s grace and love covers the multitude of my sins, but sometimes I highly doubt that is possible. Or I just don’t feel like it is. It is real all encompassing forgiveness and mercy and and that’s amazing! I’m praying for confidence in that freedom Christ gives that allows me to run to Him no matter what I’ve done. I want to feel that freedom and make sense of it in my head. Is that wrong? I want to be clear, I in no way, condone sin or rationalize it. It’ is still wrong, but I know I have the freedom to love God with my obedience without the burden of perfection on my shoulders. So after I fail. I can move on and serve him in my imperfection. Okay, I know this is deep. But it’s real. Real issues. Real life, right? Anyway, right after I prayed, I just had my eyes closed and I started to think about Jesus as my prince, as my husband. We are the bride of Christ, right? So why have I never thought of Jesus in a romantic way. Okay, I realize this may seem super weird. It was for me, at first. I thought, “Oh no, that’s not right… is it…? But then I thought about the fact that God’s love for us is every kind of love – real love. I’m not talking about lust. But I am talking about those tingling feelings...
The battle of Toloha

The battle of Toloha

Warning: I’m about to get real, which is why I started this blog. I’m not trying to air all my dirty laundry. I’m simply being real. This is a real struggle. I hope my hashing it out on this public blog will be a testimony to what real Christian life actually is. It is not all sunshine and rainbows. It is hard. It is a battle. Thankfully, that battle is already won. Sometimes I forget that. Lately, I am in a specific battle with myself right now. I am on the board of a non-profit I helped found called Toloha Partnership. It has been an amazing experience. Seriously. I have lived out my faith in ways that I never could have dreamed I, a mother of three could. Unfortunately, my responsibilities as a board member,  fundraising committee co-chair and PR Team leader have become a burden that I’ve been trying to carry alone. I’ve grown bitter about it because I want to do so much with it – blog, sharing photos, sharing about our recent trip, going to churches to make them aware of it, and so on. I just haven’t had hardly any time to put into it. So then, it just becomes a frustration. The fact that I feel this way about it breaks my heart. It has not always been this way. I  jumped whole-heartily into Toloha Partnership because I felt it needed done and somebody needed to do it.  I really didn’t think that was me. But then God showed me Toloha. He forced my mind’s eyelids open and made me stare Toloha right in...